Wrote this a few weeks ago:

At least once a day I think to myself, “I can’t do this.” Not a I-physically-and-mentally-can’t-go-on-and-need-to-quit “i cant do this.” Rather its more of a its-so-uphill-I’m-tired-and-would-rather-be-in-bed-watching-Netflix-with-a-big-bowl-of-ice-cream “I can’t do this.”

This thinking isn’t exactly negative. It certainly isn’t helpful but it’s not me actually not believing in myself. It is more of a realization and acknowledgment of the difficulty of what I’m doing. Hiking the AT isn’t all pretty views and connecting with nature. Sure, that does make up a part of it. But then there are the less glamorous aspects. Being sweaty and dirty and smelly and having to trudge through mud and strain up relentless uphills and joint destroying downhills. Dealing with rain and being freezing cold or burning hot. These aren’t meant to be complaints, rather the challenges I face that lead me to have that inner dialogue that says “I can’t do this.”

Lately though, that inner dialogue is changing. I still get tired and frustrated and think, “I can’t do this.”

But now there is an additional aspect. A little part of me follows up the “I can’t do this” with a challenge. A rebuttal: “yes you can”. I think about how I thought the same thing yesterday and the day before but managed to push on. And by the end of those days it really wasn’t so bad after all. I got through it.

So now when I think “I can’t do it” its becoming more of a ugh-this-is-really-tough-and-I-don’t-want-to-do-it-right-now-but-ill-get-through-it-I-got-this “I can’t do it”. I think im slowly on my way to changing that cant into a can. And to me, that’s worth something.