Today was a day filled with emotions. It was our last full day in the Sierra and our last miles on the PCT in California. It also had the highest highs and lowest lows on the trail.
We woke up in the shadowed valley just south of Mather Pass. Both of us were very sore from yesterday’s long and late adventure over Mather Pass. We felt stiff and moved slowly packing our things. Yote and 2.Toe were packed and ready just before us but we weren’t far behind. As the sun rose and started to warm the chilly slope we descended to meet our first obstacle of the day.
Today we were crossing South Fork Kings river where recently they discovered the body of a PCT hiker woman named Rika Morita, submerged near the alternate crossing. She disappeared during peak melt on July 8th after an argument with her boyfriend. They had separated and they both went on alone. This story of course made Sherpa feel very apprehensive about the crossing and the trail crossing wad supposedly still very treacherous. I was less concerned because I have spent a lot of time in rapid water both as a kid and as an adult so I feel relatively comfortable with identifying safe crossings. Also I tend to be much more risk tolerant which is why we make a good team.
As we approached the official crossing there was a sign saying that the crossing was still dangerous and recommending to take the alternate. The sign had no date on it and we receive so many warnings from inexperienced hikers that we all looked very suspiciously at it. After a quick discussion we all decided to go see for ourselves. I stupidly didn’t realize that this was the ill fated crossing and alternate of Rika Morita. I could sense as we descended the 1.5 miles that Sherpa was feeling more tense and I was starting to get anxious about her getting really scared and having a difficult time finding a comfortable and safe crossing. I started glancing at the water for a crossing option. We were still pretty high up in the meadow and the water was pretty mild. I asked if she wanted to cross but she replied no. So we went on and the water’s tempo started to pick up.
I started to think that we needed to get across before it became too scary. I soon realized we were past that point for Sherpa. I saw a log that appeared to cross the whole river and seemed, at first sight, very substantial. I told her I wanted to check it out and she agreed so I crossed and had a look at the log.
It was substantial, but it was also covered in slime so it looked a little risky. I went back and described what I saw to the three of them. Yote and 2.Toe decided they wanted a look and I told Sherpa it might be a little too sketchy for her comfort. She also wanted a look so we all approached it.
2.Toe decided to cross and hopped on the log and went across without incident. Yote followed a little more cautiously after he heard how slippery it was. It looked pretty scary and I told Sherpa she might want to scoot on the log instead of walking. She said that would be too difficult because the water was rushing right under the log so her feet would be in the rushing water.
At this point she was very scared and anxious. She said “I’m not doing this!” I asked her if she wanted to go back to the alternate but she didn’t want to backtrack. Then I asked if she wanted to continue on to see if there was a safe crossing and she said no. Amid the anxiety of the moment there were also lots of mosquitos biting us and making things more difficult.
I started to get frustrated because I felt like she didn’t want to go back or forward, or stay where we were. I said let’s at least go back to the trail where there were less mosquitos and I started tromping back to the trail. On the way there was a minor crossing which Sherpa had easily crossed on the way to the log. Now that she was scared it looked really difficult. I showed her where I crossed on a rock and when she went to put her foot on it, her foot slipped into the water. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal because our feet are always wet and we often trudge through water multiple times a day, but she was already so terrified so it amplified the stress.
I was starting to get really unfairly frustrated. I should by now know how to handle these moments. She always comes around and we always find a solution that works for both of us. Instead I just wanted to have an answer on what she wanted to do next and she wasn’t in a state to be able to provide it. I asked again if she wanted to go forward or backward she replied neither.
This is a classic difficulty for us, she is looking for me to take the lead and find a solution and I am unwilling to lead her into a situation she doesn’t feel confident in. The challenge is that she will not feel confident anywhere on this river but she is going to cross it. She doesn’t give up. She has tenacity that is beautiful and unshakeable.
I wanted to hear her say what approach she wanted to take and she couldn’t do that so I angrily set up the tent to get away from the mosquitos and she was crying and frustrated with me because she just wanted me to lead her. We both felt trapped and I know better and should have taken a much more compassionate approach but unfortunately I didn’t have the wherewithal.
Finally after talking frustratedly at each other through the tent we decided to go forward and look for another crossing. As we went on the trail looked less and less maintained and there were many downed trees. Sherpa was getting frustrated with me again and wanted to be walking near the river. I realized we just needed to get across at the first opportunity possible because the crossing was growing in our minds and becoming impossible.
We approached the water and I found a soft looking spot and waded into the water to test it without really explaining what I was doing. Sherpa on the bank was crying, terrified and thought I was going to die. I couldn’t hear her because of the water but turned around and saw she was falling apart for fear of my safety.
I came back and finally was able to access compassion for her overwhelming anxiety. I was so wrapped up in my own frustration that I couldn’t give her the attention she needed.
I held her for a moment and asked her to try to calm herself down and she started to relax. I told her that I was sorry for not being compassionate. I told her that I felt the crossing was safe and we could do it together. She calmed down and agreed.
We stepped across the river slowly and though the footing was awkward and there were moments where she felt like she was going to fall, we were able to pick our way safely across.
On the other side we took a moment to mend and I apologized for my impatience. We both felt drained but it was the last major crossing we faced. This was one of the hardest moments in the trail and we were relieved that it was over but the mental strain left us very tired as we started a 4 mile climb up Pinchot Pass.
The climb was slow and exhausting though beautiful. We started passing JMT’rs and soon we spotted 2.Toe and Yote ahead at the top of the pass. They called to us and we called back in our typical howl that we like to do to know who it is. We bedraggled ourselves the rest of the way. It was so nice to be at the top because every step felt harder than the last. I can’t imagine how difficult each step on a climb like Everest must be!
We took a break at the top and started to feel better and more relaxed. We snacked and chatted together. We then picked up our bags and began the 7 mile descent. It was at first pretty gentle but we were spent and it felt tough. We soon found ourselves going down huge stone steps that were very exhausting. We couldn’t wait to reach the bottom.
Finally, when we had reached our absolute limit, we were at the bottom and at a beautiful suspension foot bridge. Sherpa was scared and excited so I took her picture and she crossed. I followed and we sat down for lunch.
We were so grateful to be sitting and not walking. It had been a really tough morning. We were going to be sad to leave the beautiful Seirra Nevada but we were tired and ready for a break.
We sat for an hour and Sherpa said if we could leave by 3:15 then there was a good chance she would be willing to go over Glen Pass, which I had been advocating for inspite of being so tired. I didn’t want to do two passes on the way out of town tomorrow but it would be a tough day today.
We both took ibprophine and drank a caffeinated beverage and put our game faces on!
The approach to Glen happened to be pretty mild and our day was turning around. We started chatting and feeling good. The miles and JMT’rs flew by. I got in trouble for making the Jaws sound track melody every time we spotted a slow JMT’r ahead. But it was fun getting in trouble and passing hikers as if they were standing still.
Soon we reached Rae Lake and it was so beautiful. Along with all the drama of the day we were also excited because we were hopeful that we would cross paths with Carly, Sherpa’s good friend, who was hiking the JMT. Sherpa said she was going to cry when she saw her because she was so excited and proud of her. We were creepily looking at every hiker trying to see if it was Carly but no luck thus far.
Sherpa graciously agreed to leave this pristine campsite next to a unbelievably beautiful lake. So we started the last push to the top of Glen Pass.
We went up steeply for a mile and then got a glance at the actual pass and it was steep! We could see a hiker on it and it looked like a near 90 degree pitch and partially snow covered. Very foreboding! It turned out to be pretty quick and not too sketchy and the top was very rewarding!
We were so excited to be over the pass and we were chatting on our way down about the possibility of running into Carly and hiking all the way to the junction. We decided to finish California today!
Within a mile of the junction we rounded the bend and I saw a girl with a pony tail sitting and I was thinking ohhh that’s Carly! I heard Sherpa cry out and then saw them hugging excitedly.
We sat down and joined Carly and her hiking friend Jim while we ate dinner. We chatted for an hour and it was great to hear Carly’s adventures and catch up.
We said our goodbyes and started off at dusk and soon it was dark. We were feeling such a high after seeing Carly and approaching the junction and our last steps in California.
We found the junction and took a late night photo to close out our California adventure. It was so exciting and we had a difficult time setting up our tent in the dark quietly. There were lots of tents around us and I’m sure they were very mad at us.
Today was one of the hardest days on the trail but it was also the most rewarding. That is the nature of the trail. You can experience so many difficult moments and soon after be elated by some special experience. It is a dramatic and gratifying adventure that teaches you so much about your emotions, expectations, and priorities. I am very grateful to be experiencing all these on such a stunning training ground.
We got into our tent after many inefficient chores in the dark and quietly celebrated our achievement then drifted to sleep like little hiker babies.
